


Ending Theme

by amater_asu



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fantasy, Gen, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9340073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amater_asu/pseuds/amater_asu
Summary: When the day fell with a slow burn of the sun against the horizon, they had promised each other to keep on living.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know what i wrote but the idea popped up when i was listening to amazarashi - ending theme. please do note that i'm not trying to promote suicide attempts;

Summer heat licked at Suzaku’s tanned skin. He slit up a glance at the glaring sun, hand hastily moved up to his forehead before it burn his eyes dry. The handle of the knife was cool against his other palm and he wondered if he still could feel the coldness even after he pressed the blade to cut the pounding nerves across his wrist. The idea was too tempting—his father wouldn’t notice that one of the knives in the kitchen was missing.

The man probably wouldn’t notice his disappearance at all.

Suzaku had always dreamed to die in peace as the wind quietly bring his soul away from his rotten body—as his heart slow to a halt, losing blood to pump. It didn’t matter to him where he chose to die, as long as it was peaceful with nobody was there to watch him withering. He’d told himself a thousand times, if not a hundred, that it’d be pathetic because even if the physical pain was no longer there, the agony remained.

Those years of sorrow would most certainly stay the same—haunting him down in hell.

“Oh no, excuse me,”

He turned his head sharply at the voice behind him, the grip on the blade made his knuckles went paler than the expanse of skin of his arms. It looked vividly similar to the boy’s fair complexion but he corrected himself when the boy approached him. He was looking about his age and pale, almost glowing—only an inch shorter than him but not as burly as him and he was afraid that even a feathery touch might shatter him like a porcelain doll.

His dark hair framed his small face—a few strands tucked loosely behind his ears. The blush on his cheeks told him that the sun was indeed unforgiving today and Suzaku decided, regardless of the fact that he was also a boy, that the boy was very, very pretty. And also, very familiar but he couldn’t recall where or when he’d meet him.

He froze when Amethyst met Emerald.

“Arthur!” – and then the moment passed, it only lasted a second.

The boy’s gaze shifted as if something just magically appeared out of nowhere behind him. He followed the boy’s movements before realizing that he might have noticed the knife in his grip, although he made no effort to point it out. The handle suddenly felt slick against his sweaty palm as he stepped back to make a way for the boy.

“I’m sorry to uh-”

Suzaku’s voice came out raspy and he thought it was probably too small for the boy to hear so when the boy’s movements suddenly halted, he held his breath—waiting.

“What?”

He thought he’d love to see those Amethyst orbs once again before he ended his life.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, frowning when all he saw was the back of the boy’s head.

The boy was silence for a few seconds before he tilted his head to give Suzaku a sideways look. A noise that came from below his feet suddenly made the boy’s eyes go wide as he yet again began to move—crouching a few distances away from his feet at first then he stood up, turning around before running at full speed towards a cat?

Suzaku’s eyes widened when he saw the direction where the cat had run off to. He contemplated—at this distance he could barely save the boy from falling, maybe he could catch his hand just in time before the boy met his horrible death. He wasted no more time to think as he tossed the knife to where it clattered against the concrete and dashed off towards the edge of the rooftop.

It happened in a blur. One second he was shouting—another he was laying on his stomach with his bad hand held out, gripping the boy’s hand as if _his_ life was depended on it. The cat meowed next to his head, tilting its head and stared at him questioningly. It was safe from the beginning—it made no intention of jumping off the rooftop as the boy had thought it did. Suzaku didn’t want to think of the blood splattered on the concrete hadn’t he been here.

“I hope you bring a handkerchief or something to wipe the blood off my face,”

Suzaku was suddenly aware of the pain in his wrist as he made a move to pull the boy up from his almost-fall. The muscles on his arm and shoulder were tense and his legs were wobbly when he made a way to pick the knife up. He was certain that by now, the boy had notice what he had been trying to do, alone in such a relatively remote area.

“What was it? Love?”

For a moment, he thought there was someone else who had joined them but he realized before long that the boy was talking to him. When he turned around, after tucking the knife back into the pocket safely, the boy was approaching him with the cat in his arms. He noticed distinctly the delicate fingers brushing the grey fur and a soft gaze of violet.

“No, it was-” Suzaku went silent, contemplating, “why should I tell you?”

He didn’t want anyone to know because in the end, he’d die alone. Whether or not his death made the people who knew about it sad, he never wanted the pity—he never wanted the tears that they’d shed for him when he lost all his abilities to live, slowly withering away. And maybe it wasn’t the pity or the tears he took into considerations. Maybe it had been there all along, the fear of being forgotten, the fear of being neglected even after he was no longer breathing.

“What is your name?”

He wasn’t aware of how close the boy was standing until he spoke. The smell of summer was not as thick as the fabric softener but for a fleeting moment he thought of an image of flowers, a lone white spider lily surrounded by red ones. Not poisonous but maybe they were there to protect the lone flower. Suzaku noted a faint smell of blood— _his blood_.

“Suzaku,” he replied carefully.

The boy nodded and Suzaku noticed the half-smirk when he asked, “So, was it love?”

“I think it’s only fair if you tell me your name as well,”

The boy laughed or scoffed, he couldn’t be sure but he thought it sounded more like a scoff.

“Lelouch,”

\---

The brick walls were as cold as ever, Suzaku remembered with his palms. He climbed a seemingly endless flight of stairs that took him to his favourite place whenever he felt he couldn’t take it anymore. The buzzing sound of a busy city didn’t reach where he sat, against cold floor as the wind whispered against his skin and abandoned buildings were all he saw.

Suzaku pressed a palm across a blossoming bruise on his cheek. His father might have been serious when he said he wanted to dislocate his jaw and the corner of his mouth was still bleeding when the tears slipped—hot and full of hatred. He tried to ignore the ringing in his ears and all the muffled curses he never had the guts to throw at the man who caused him the pain.

“Oy, young boy,”

He jolted and looked around for the voice. A girl with bright green hair stood at the corner of the windowless room. She looked inhumane with a pair of golden eyes and pale skin, too vibrant even in the darkness. Her eyes sparkled as if the moonlight caught in them and when she stepped out of the darkness, Suzaku noticed the gun in her hand.

He didn’t say anything—so did the girl and silence fell over them and stayed for a long time. It was deafening and he started to hear those curses and muffled cries again. The moon had settled high in the sky and he thought he should go back before his mother noticing he wasn’t sleeping in his futon like he was supposed to. So, he pushed himself off the floor to stand.

“It’s tiring, isn’t it?” then he heard the girl’s raspy voice.

He only stared and she gave him a cat-like smile. “What is?”

She shrugged, the smile was still there when she stepped further from the darkness. “Those bruises are need to be treated,” her eyes were on his face and then shifted to his arms and his bare knees. He suddenly felt tired and at loss of what to do but maybe it was just her words.

“This-” he paused, “I can take care of myself,”

The laugh was breathy and there was a hint of teasing there if Suzaku listened.

“Really? And crying yourself to sleep counts?”

Suzaku flushed and looked away, wincing in pain in the process.

“What about you? You look like you don’t make any efforts to take care of yourself either,” he spat, eyes burning and wet but he didn’t let it slip for the nth times.

“How arrogant of you to say that, young boy,” she finally said after a long silence.

And if Suzaku was bothered by the fact that she called him a young boy when she still clearly looked like she was twenty, he didn’t say it. Instead, he looked up and his gaze met those golden eyes that were still sparkling but not with a glint of playfulness. He thought they resembled his own glassy emerald eyes.

“I-” Suzaku started but never finished.

“Death-” she paused to take a deep breath, “-it’s off-limit, such luxury for someone like me,”

Her breathing gradually became ragged as she crouched on the floor, clutching at a gaping gun-shot wound over her chest and Suzaku watched with horror when the blood gushed out, slipping through her pale fingers. His legs moved on their own, the blood surging fast with his adrenalines and his ears were still ringing it started to become painful.

He was at her side in a second, arm around the small of her back to support her while the other rested hesitantly against her bloodied fingers. Her eyes fell shut when he checked the pulse on her wrist—it was faint but it was there. He waited for the girl to open her eyes and gave him that cat-like smile again but the pounding was no longer there and he suddenly felt sick for not doing anything to save the peculiar girl.

He let out a shuddering breath and laid her entirely on the floor, looking for something to cover her pale and limp figure but he found none, of course. All he could find was nothing but dusts—not even remnants of life. When he finally decided that it was his time to leave, he felt a hand brushed against his arm and he looked back in surprise to find the girl sitting up, well and breathing and mostly _alive._

“What, you’re still here, young boy?”

\---

It was when Suzaku noticed that Lelouch’s voice was deep and had a note of strictness to it but he said his name quietly like he didn’t want the world to know. He thought of the flowers again but this time they were all red. A vast land with beds of red flowers—spider lilies, the flower of death.

“It was my fa-”

“Before you continue,” Lelouch held a palm out towards him, effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. He gave the boy a questioning look. “Where’s the handkerchief?”

Suzaku noticed a drop of red just below Lelouch’s right eye and it made him look like he cried blood or something like that. He said nothing for a long time, just staring before something inside his head snapped and he gave Lelouch an apologetic smile. “Sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have it,” he said, hoping he sounded apologetic enough.

“What?” Lelouch glared, his amethyst eyes were sparkling with annoyance.

Suzaku shrugged and rubbed the back of his head and immediately noticed it was his bad hand and the bleeding hadn’t stopped just because he didn’t finish cutting through the arteries like he originally planned—so he retreated it back to his side, wincing in newly recognized pain. He let out a frustrated groan. He wasn’t supposed to try saving a life when he intended to end his own, really.

“Take your ugly shirt off,” Lelouch suddenly spoke and he noticed the cat was gone.

“Huh?” Suzaku asked dumbly but complied and he didn’t even bother to deny that his shirt was definitely ugly, mustard-coloured.

“Now, give me the knife,” Lelouch held out his palm towards him, his gaze firm on his face.

“What- oh, no, no don’t even-”

“Suzaku,”

He frowned at Lelouch’s held out palm long enough until he heard the boy cleared his throat and he fished the knife out of the pocket hastily. He trusted Lelouch to do anything with his knife for now and the idea of dying with a stab wound was appealing until he thought of how it meant framing the other boy of murder. He pushed the idea far to the back of his mind.

“I definitely won’t stab you with this-” Lelouch looked like he was having a difficulty trying to tear his shirt apart. “-dull blade of yours,” he looked annoyed when he pressed the knife back into his palm and took his bleeding wrist.

“You probably should wipe your face first,” Suzaku murmured.

“Shut up,” Lelouch pulled him down to sit cross-legged on the concrete, “I’d rather wipe my face with my sleeves rather than your sweaty piece of cloth,” he retorted without looking at him.

Suzaku said nothing regarding the comment. He could feel the stinging heat of the sun on his back and the trickling of sweat down his spine when silence fell over them. The noises that came from Lelouch—sounding so much like a grunt and annoyed heave of a breath—were all he could hear and he did nothing to stop the other from wrapping the cloth around his wound.

It was rather fun to watch, he thought to himself.

“I’d still prefer the nurse to do it but it’s okay,”

Suzaku gave the other an amused smile when he finished. He brought his wrist up to examine the poor excuse of a bandage. It was a bit messy but he knew he didn’t have the right to complain when Lelouch had even bothered to consider the idea of making the bleeding stop when all he wished was he’d cut deeper. If Lelouch was annoyed of the comment, he didn’t say it but his frown deepened and was that a pout?

“I should’ve finished you,” the dark-haired boy closed his eyes and sighed.

Suzaku snorted out a laugh. “Why did you let me live then?” he shrugged and the mirth was gone.

Lelouch looked thoughtful, “I don’t know,”

\---

The air got chilly and Suzaku immediately regretted not bringing a jacket with him.

“You’re a witch,” he said carefully.

The girl—witch, as she had claimed, went by the name of CC and he didn’t try to question the strange choice of name. It took time to register all the information he just heard from CC and he thought he didn’t want to exhaust his already tired mind by trying to find the reason _why CC_. He made a mental note to ask her later nevertheless.

“And you’re immortal,” he said again after CC nodded, the cat-like grin was back.

“Should I believe you?”

CC shrugged, hugging her knees close to her chest. “I don’t have time for your trust issues, young boy,”

Suzaku gestured at her, “Well, that explains why I find you so peculiar,”

“Thanks,” she said but sounded not at all grateful and he snorted a laugh.

“Life is like that, unfair,” he said, staring into the distance of abandoned city and a seemingly borderless span of night sky. It was beautiful and he’d always wanted to go stargazing with his parents since he was a child.

“Is it unfair for you too?” he heard her said, voice too loud against the deafening silence.

Suzaku thought of silent prayers and empty classrooms, of groups of bullies and of his father’s vicious words. All he had were bitter memories and the dark days would never end unless he ended it himself, he knew but he found it hard to leave his mother even if he badly wanted to make his father regret everything he’d done to him.

“It’s been hard,” he opted to say after a long silence.

“One day, when I tried to jump off a building, a boy stopped me,”

CC shifted on the floor to sit in front of him, her eyes turned serious as she went on about the delicate looking boy who stopped her attempt at suicide and boy, had he known, so CC told him the pain of being immortal and how bad he wanted the God to take her life.

And he’d told her, matter-of-factly, even though he knew that she was awfully aware of it,

“Death is off-limit for people like you,”

Suzaku opened his mouth and closed them, suddenly at loss of words.

“He was a nice young boy,” a sad smile appeared on CC’s face, “He told me to just live when it’s impossible for me to die and you know what? I could see all the pain in his eyes, those buried memories of his father abandoning him and his crippled sister causing a gashing wound in his heart. Those scars on his wrists and he told me to live,”

Suzaku held his breath. CC was crying now.

“I could see how desperately he wanted to die.”

\---

“My father is abusive,”

“And?”

Suzaku looked down at his bandaged hand on his lap. “He wants me to join the military,”

“Do you want to?” he heard Lelouch asked softly.

“I don’t,” It was hard to swallow over the growing lump in his throat, “I don’t want to if it’ll make me end up like him,” he took a deep breath but his eyes were stinging—not because of the sun.

He was surprised by his own action when he instinctively pulled Lelouch into an embrace. Lelouch was warm. The arms around him were warm. The press of his chin on his shoulder was warm and the words he said was warmer than ones his parents ever promised. He was thinking of all sort of possibilities if he really did die and he suddenly hated it.

“Then don’t do it,” he heard Lelouch said quietly after a long time. “It depends on you how you want to live your life, Suzaku.”

“Lelouch,”

The boy hummed against his neck. He wanted to ask about a witch and her death wishes—about the devil he called father and a crippled little girl but the words stayed persistently at the tip of his tongue. Suzaku didn’t say it until the end.

“Let’s live, Lelouch,” he said instead, against Lelouch’s hair.

He heard a muffled sniffle as he felt the other’s arms tight around him.

“Let’s live.”--happily.

 

 

 

END

 

**Author's Note:**

> lelouch is a warm boy ;_; he deserves better;; it's been weeks since i finished code geass i'm still emotional especially regarding R2 ep25 but then again, who isn't.


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